Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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