I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
