I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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