What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm really busy with my period
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