holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
