i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
