i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
