I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
