Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
