Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
