Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
