I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
