You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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