I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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