Screwed.edu
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
