I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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