so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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