$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
