You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
