3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
