It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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