Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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