Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
