he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
