I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
