Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
