i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
