Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
