I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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