You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
