Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
