I think my vagina is haunted
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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