If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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