Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
