I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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