You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
