I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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