His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
