thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
