sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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