Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
