I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
