im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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