the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
