also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
