If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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