I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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