yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
