Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
