I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
